Realize....

I suddenly realize that no matter how much i miss you, you'll never turn your head to me and look at me, talk to me... Did you even realize what you said is not something that you did....? Everything has changed since... was it my fault? Well i guess it was... i shouldn't have told you anything, i shouldn't have shown any expression that could have given you the clue, i shouldn't even have that kinda feeling... But you said everything will be just the same like what we used to be... But i realize now that it just can't be the same anymore... its getting heavier each day, and i just couldn't bare it any more... i want to blame the school, i want to blame her, i want to blame them... even tho i know i cant, cause I'm clear that the fault is not on them... but seeing that she makes you happy when i cant, i feel jealous and at the same time relieve... cause i had a feeling that you're slowly being happier than you used to... there's someone that you can trust... although... you said before that you wont... i'm sorry that i'm causing you these trouble...
you said before that you know "that kind of feeling" is awful, and you don't want me to have it... but the truth is, feelings cant be put down so easily... but i'm trying to, and i'll try hard...